You Know Yourself Best: Learning to Listen, Learning to Advocate

You Know Yourself Best: Learning to Listen, Learning to Advocate

How often have you had a gut feeling—something wasn’t right, something needed to change—but you doubted yourself? Maybe you told yourself you were overreacting. Maybe someone else told you. Maybe you pushed it aside because trusting yourself didn’t feel like an option.

For so many of us, especially women, self-trust is something we have to learn and reclaim. From an early age, we’re taught to second-guess our instincts, to be agreeable, to look to others for validation. We internalise messages that say:

• “You’re just being emotional.”

• “Everyone feels like this—just get on with it.”

• “You need to listen to the experts; they know best.”

But you know you better than anyone else. Your body, your mind, your emotions—they are constantly sending you signals. The real challenge isn’t whether those signals exist; it’s whether we’ve learned to listen.

The Historic Silencing of Women & Reclaiming Our Voice

For generations, women’s voices have been dismissed, diminished, and ignored. Historically, our intuition and innate wisdom were labelled as hysteria or irrationality. From the burning of so-called witches to the patronising dismissal of women’s health concerns, the message has been clear: You don’t know what’s best for you—someone else does.

Many years ago, I read Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ book Women Who Run With the Wolves, and it profoundly changed the way I saw myself. Recently, I saw that my 25-year-old daughter was reading it, and it struck me how these ideas continue to resonate across generations. She speaks about the wild woman archetype—this primal, intuitive force within every woman that has been suppressed by societal expectations. She reminds us that our inner knowing is not something to fear, but something to reclaim.

Reclaiming our voice begins with learning how to listen. Not just passively, but deeply, intentionally. It’s an act of resistance and self-liberation.

Learning to Listen to Yourself

Self-trust isn’t about always having the “right” answer. It’s about cultivating the ability to tune into your body and intuition with curiosity instead of dismissal.

Listening to yourself means: ✅ Noticing when something doesn’t feel right, even if you can’t explain why. ✅ Honouring your emotions as valid messengers, not inconveniences. ✅ Recognising discomfort as a signal rather than something to ignore.

It takes practice. It takes unlearning the habit of pushing through, dismissing our needs, and apologising for simply feeling. It also means recognising that we may not always have the medical wisdom we need, but we still have the right to seek answers.

Learning to Advocate for Yourself (and Others)

Self-advocacy isn’t just about getting what you need—it’s about changing the culture that tells women their needs are secondary. It’s also about reclaiming our power when we don’t yet have the words to explain what we’re feeling. Learning to express our needs clearly is part of the journey.

Advocating for yourself doesn’t mean being combative or proving a point. It means standing in your truth with clarity and confidence. It’s not always easy, but it matters—not just for you, but for those who come after you.

Some ways to step into self-advocacy with strength and grace: 💡 Get clear on your needs – What do you want, and why does it matter? 💡 Communicate with confidence – You don’t need permission to take up space. 💡 Stay calm, but firm – Strength is not aggression; it’s unshakable clarity. 💡 Stand up for others – The more we advocate, the more we normalise this for future generations.

How Self-Trust and Advocacy Change Over Time

Our ability to listen to ourselves and advocate for our needs isn’t something that automatically improves with age. I’ve met so many women who have said to me, “Don’t get old!”—as if ageing is something to resist rather than embrace. And I get it. When your joints ache or your health declines, it doesn’t always feel like a privilege.

But what if we shifted our perspective? What if we saw the experiences, insights, and wisdom we’ve gathered over the years as something to be cherished and revered? Would that change how we see ourselves as older women?

The way we relate to self-trust evolves over time. In younger years, we may be focused on learning to trust our instincts, setting boundaries, and navigating the expectations placed upon us. As we move through different life stages, our relationship with our own wisdom deepens—or, for some, it becomes buried under layers of doubt and external influence.

Getting older doesn’t automatically grant us the ability to listen to ourselves, but it does offer us opportunities to reflect on where we have silenced our own voice and where we can reclaim it. It’s never too late to start listening, to honour what we know, and to trust that our experiences have shaped something deeply valuable within us. Our voices still matter—perhaps now more than ever. Our ability to listen to ourselves and advocate for our needs shifts as we move through different stages of life. The questions we ask, the wisdom we gain, and the way we stand in our truth evolve with time.

In younger years, we may focus on learning to trust our instincts, set boundaries, and navigate the expectations placed upon us. As we step into roles of caregiving, leadership, or deeper self-reflection, our relationship with self-trust grows—moving from seeking validation to standing firmly in our own wisdom. With experience, we develop the confidence to advocate not only for ourselves but for others, passing on the knowledge that listening to our own voice is a vital act of self-respect and empowerment.

Wherever you are on this journey, your voice matters. The act of listening to yourself and advocating for what you need is an act of power, one that can transform not only your life but the lives of those around you.

Behaviours Rooted in Control vs. True Empowerment

Many of the behaviours we adopt in difficult situations—people-pleasing, over-explaining, perfectionism—are not true empowerment, but rather attempts to gain control in an environment where we feel powerless. These behaviours often stem from societal conditioning that tells women they must earn their worth, justify their emotions, or make themselves smaller to be acceptable.

But what if, instead of striving for control, we started with learning how to listen and advocate for ourselves? What if we trusted our experiences without needing external validation? Perhaps then, we wouldn’t just appear strong—we would actually feel strong.

Why This Matters for the Next Generation

When we listen to ourselves and advocate for our needs, we don’t just change our own lives—we shift the way women’s voices are heard. We break cycles. We create a new story for the next generation where self-trust isn’t something women have to fight to reclaim, but something they grow up knowing is theirs.

Imagine a world where: ✨ Our daughters don’t have to fight to be believed. ✨ Women no longer need permission to trust their instincts. ✨ Listening to yourself is the norm, not the exception.

That world starts with us. It starts with listening. With trusting. With choosing to believe that what we feel is real and what we need is valid.

Have you ever had a moment where you trusted yourself, even when it was hard? What changed for you? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your experience.